What if there’s no such thing as a HCBM?

There is no such thing as a “High Conflict” Bio-Mom. 

Read that again. 

You’re pissed at me, amiright? 

I bet your brain is arguing with me, and you want to delete this email.

Just stay with me for one second. 

How do you feel when you call someone “high conflict?”  

As in, what vibrations happen in your body? What emotions come up when you think about the person you label as “high conflict?” 

Anger? Irritation? Anxiety? Frustration?

What do you do mentally and physically?

Brace for impact? Prepare for battle? Become defensive?

Do you see how much your mindset and behavior completely shift from just this one thought? 

She’s NOT even around as you’re reading this email, and I bet your entire demeanor changed. 

Bio-Mom is not the problem, my friends; it’s your thoughts about her. 

When we label someone as high conflict, we often end up being the ones who create conflict. 

Our adrenaline spikes, our logical mind shuts down, our primitive brains take over, and everything and anything can and is interpreted as a threat of war. 

I know you want to argue with me. I know you have lots of evidence. 

I know you think you’re right and she’s the problem.

But is your way working?

What if the first step in dealing with a High Conflict Bio-Mom, is to stop calling her High Conflict?

 

P.S. Listen, co-parenting doesn’t have to be a constant battle of wills, power plays, and leveraging. Don’t believe me? I’ll show you in 45 minutes or less, for FREE. Sign up here

It’s Not Supposed to be This Hard

It’s not supposed to be this hard.

 

I remember sitting in the waiting room of our Therapist’s office, patiently waiting for him to retrieve me.

 

I couldn’t help but wonder, is it supposed to be this hard?

 

Should being in a relationship be this hard?

 

Should we be fighting this much?

 

Is it normal that the kids are bickering so much?

 

If it’s meant to be, should it take this much work?

 

Is this normal?

 

I believed it wasn’t, and that belief was making me miserable.

 

So, I blamed everyone and everything else for my misery.

 

I blamed the exes for being difficult.

 

I blamed my husband for disagreeing with me.

 

I blamed the courts for not supporting us. 

 

The more I blamed, the more I tried to control, which only proved how little control I had, and the more miserable I became to the point I was clinically depressed

 

Therapy saved my life. Therapy saved my marriage. But therapy wasn’t making me happy.

 

Nothing was making me happy.

 

Why?

 

Because happiness is an inside job.

 

It’s something we give to ourselves.

 

Happiness didn’t happen until I started to own my shit.

 

Change requires awareness and taking responsibility.

 

I had to become aware of my thoughts and beliefs and how they were causing me to show up in my life.

 

I had to take responsibility for how I had behaved and realized the experience I had was one I had created.

 

Because I believed that “It shouldn’t be this hard,” I felt like everything I was doing was wrong.

 

I was afraid it meant I was failing as a mom and wife

 

I was terrified of failing, so I tried to hold on tighter, have more control, which only caused more tension and arguments.

 

I was perpetuating my misery by holding on to this belief.

 

The truth is blending a family comes with challenges, but you are the one who makes it hard, or not.

 

Not sure where to start?

 

Neither did I, let me help you.

 

Together we can control the chaos of your mind and your family!