One of the biggest mistakes I made early on as a Step Mom was thinking that I could change Biomom.
I hated how she treated my husband.
I hated how she talked about us to my Step Daughter.
I made the mistake of thinking not only was it my job to fix, but that I actually could.
I thought that I could change her.
And all of my mental and emotional energy was spent on trying to do that.
I tried confronting her in person and on the phone.
That just lead to them to blaming me for creating a hostile environment.
I tried to force my husband to confront her about things I felt needed to be addressed.
That just led to him and I arguing constantly.
We thought the courts would make her change her behavior.
Umm big nope. They don’t give a FUCK if Biomom is being an asshole.
We learned the hard way that boundaries are not the responsibility of the family court system.
And every time my efforts didn’t work, I would feel more and more crazy, and more and more hopeless.
I just couldn’t understand why someone would want to be so uncooperative.
I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t just leave us alone.
I didn’t understand why she couldn’t see the impact this was having on her daughter.
I didn’t understand WHY she wouldn’t just want peace?
I gave her all of this power to completely fuck up my world because I was focusing my energies on all the wrong things.
It is not my job to make her a better person.
It’s my job to make ME a better person.
Every trigger she flips, every button she pushes, is just a lesson for me to learn about me.
And every time I strengthen that tender spot, I get stronger, more resilient, and give fewer fucks about her or her behavior.
If you’re tired of being a walking raw nerve when it comes to Biomom, let’s have a conversation. You get to tell me all the ways she’s making your life hell, I’ll show you how to build a damn Chinese wall of emotional insulation against her, and then we’ll talk about what it looks like to work together. You ready? Head on over to my “work with me” page to schedule a time to talk!