People don’t cause your feelings, they influence them.
And the degree to which they can influence them is based on YOUR history.
Your history of traumas, microtraumas, past experiences in relationships, and programming you were taught by your parents and society, etc.
All of these experiences are woven together to form an emotional fingerprint that is unique for each and every one of us.
That’s why it’s impossible to know for sure how anyone will ever respond to anything.
And why what matters most is learning how to manage how YOU want to respond in any given situation and how to make that happen.
Why does this matter?
Because when you hear tires in the driveway and you brace because you know your step kids are home? It’s not the step kids that are the issue.
It’s the emotions you’re anticipating they will cause.
But you’re not at their mercy if you realize you have more power over your own emotions than they do.
That moment, when you hear the tires is your moment of power.
When you feel yourself brace? That’s your signal that your brain’s default narrative is running.
Thoughts like, “they’re so disrespectful. I hate the chaos. They give me so much anxiety.”
Are going unchecked and unquestioned.
So, you brace.
This is the moment where you can take your emotional life BACK and decide to change that narrative.
Breathe, and shift the narrative just a little.
Try softening the narrative with new thoughts like, “They are transitioning too. They are adjusting too. I can handle chaos. I am allowed to be anxious, I don’t have to fight it.”
All of your power lies in the endless stream of thoughts and beliefs that are on repeat in our brain.
We’re just not giving credit to them.
Instead, we blame the humans associated with them.
If you’re tired of feeling a certain way around your kids, step kids, the Ex, stop focusing so much on what they’re doing and pay more attention to what you’re thinking.
If you’re tired of feeling exhausted by difficult humans in your life (Exes, Step Kids, husbands), let’s talk. We’ll talk about the humans that are making you batty, I’ll show you what’s been robbing you of your sanity, and then we’ll talk about what it looks like to work together. You ready? Set up a time to see if coaching is right for you here.