“I don’t have time,” is probably one the most sneakily powerful thoughts we have that we believe. I have a full-time job. I’m building a business. I have clients to serve, content to create, and coaching appointments to keep. I also have kiddos that need help with homework, school projects, and being reminded to put away their clothes, brush their teeth, and dear god, please shower. Let’s also not forget my marriage to the awesome guy holding it down during all this chaos. I have lots of evidence to prove that, “I don’t have time,” but that doesn’t mean I believe it.
Time is the only thing we can’t create more of. We can make more money, buy more stuff, find more friends. We only get 24 hours in a day, and we never really know how many years we’ll be gifted.
This past weekend was the second anniversary of the passing of my husband’s father, and it has me thinking a lot about time. Primarily because we so frequently use it as the reason we do or don’t do anything. The truth is, you’re never going to have time, it will never be the “right time.” Extra time isn’t going to magically appear on your doorstep, announcing its arrival, so you feel comfortable making a decision. There isn’t a “more time” fairy godmother. You need only to decide it’s the right time, commit, and then take action to make it happen. That’s it. No, really, it’s that simple.
Does this sound like you? “Well, I just have so much going on right now, I’m not sure when I would fit it in?” Or how about, “the kids have soccer and gymnastics, Bill is working a lot of overtime lately too. I just don’t think we can do it right now.” The things that you are continually neglecting, your mental, emotional and physical health are all the things you should be making the MOST time for. You know why? Because when you fill your own cup, it has a compounding effect on all areas of your life.
When you say “no” to yourself, you’re not just saying no to completing that activity at that moment. You’re saying no to the person you want to be, the parent you want to be, the partner you want to be, or the partner you want to attract. You’re saying “no,” to the life you want to have.
Not making yourself a priority impacts everyone in your life. So if you’re not taking care of yourself and sacrificing your needs for the sake of your kids, husband, family, job, you’re actually doing them a disservice too. Because they don’t get all of you when you don’t have all of you to give. That’s on you. Hear me on this. THERE IS NO ONE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU. It is your job to have your back, fight for you, make you a priority, LOVE you enough to draw boundaries, and make the time. There will never be time until you make it. Stop waiting for the “right time” because it doesn’t exist. You make a decision, and you commit to it, that’s it.
I’m not talking about some massive mental and physical overhaul here. So many times, we think self-care has to be some ginormous undertaking like meditating an hour every day, never eating bread and pasta ever again, and drinking kale smoothies every day. NO! That’s not reality, and it won’t help you be successful in building new habits. What do you love to do? What fills your cup? What makes you feel alive? What brings you peace?
Some times that’s going shopping at Target with your Starbucks and strolling through the isles, ALONE. Some times that’s attending brunch or dinner with your girlfriends. It can be getting up a half-hour early so you can drink your coffee in peace on the porch. It’s taking the dogs for a walk or walking around the block on lunch. You could listen to a fave podcast in your car on the way to pick up the kids. Figure out what makes you feel good and then commit to doing it over and over again.
I get up before my kids so I can do my thought download and empty my brain before the day begins. I listen to podcasts while I make dinner, fold laundry, or drive to the store. I ask my husband to hang with the kids or wait until they are in bed so I can take a bath. Sometimes it’s locking myself in the bedroom and watching even one episode of my fave Netflix show, all alone without interruption.
I know, I know, I can hear you already. “I can’t do that, because I have to do A, B, C, and D.” Or, “My kids/husband would never let me do that.” I know you love your kids, your husband, the dogs, etc. But it’s not their fault you keep saying “yes” to them and “no” to you. That’s on you, friend. If you love them, then you’ll put yourself first. I know you want to argue with me on this. I know your brain is telling you that this sounds backward. I PROMISE you that it’s not. Just try it for a week. What is one thing you can do for FIVE minutes every day to fill your cup?? Decide what it is, commit to doing it every day, even when you don’t want to. You’ll be amazed at how just a sliver of the day dedicated to yourself can impact your day, week, and life.
Still feeling like you don’t know how to do this or you can’t? Not sure what to do next? Then you’re gonna sign up for that coaching consult! No wondering, no worrying, decide and commit!