You’re Doing it Wrong

I had been pushing myself HARD for months. Do more, complete more, be better, push harder until the point I was ready to throw in the towel. I called my life coach practically in tears, “I don’t know if I can do this. It’s so hard. I’m exhausted and miserable. I don’t want to feel like this. This. Isn’t. Worth. It.” Me, the life coach, was failing at managing my life. I was headed straight for burnout, and I didn’t even see it. I was doing the exact thing I tell my clients NOT to do by focusing on the action instead of the mindset. Now, stay with me here.

I was working super hard on my business and started feeling stressed and overextended. I was feeling guilty for not spending more time with my kids and spending so much time on my business. When I wasn’t working on the business, I was thinking about the business, and it was stressing me out.  I thought my problem was that I wasn’t managing my time well enough. So I believed if I could figure out a way to be super hella productive, I would be able to relax.   I even started a coaching program for Time Management. I got the planner; I made the lists, I did all of the mother-effing things. I checked off that list like a boss. I was more productive in 3 weeks than I think I have ever been in my entire life and all it did was leave me feeling exhausted and even more ready to quit. No, really, like for REAL quit, no looking back, done.

I blamed the planner. I dreaded making those lists, I procrastinated planning, and checking off the boxes did nothing for me. “This isn’t working,” I told myself. My coach tried to remind me that I’m the only one that could decide what’s good enough or not. I didn’t believe her. She told me to be compassionate with myself, so I listened and scrapped the mile-long lists. I was so tapped I decided I was not going to plan a single thing except bare-bones essentials for the next week. I decided that no matter what I got done, or didn’t get done, it would be good enough.  

I swam with my kids, and I hung out with my husband, I scrolled facebook. It was glorious. I felt so much better. I was more relaxed and feeling so much more confident about getting back at it. So gradually, I started adding things back to the list. But this time I decided that no matter how much I was able to complete, or not, it would be good enough.  More and more things were added to the list and I felt better and better about checking them off.  I was so proud of myself for figuring out how to be more productive and not stress out. I thought I was so smart with my time management skills and my lists.  Only, I was completely missing the fact that it had nothing at all to do with my fancy planner. I failed to see what ACTUALLY happened. 

I wasn’t feeling better because I was doing more of the things again. I was feeling better because my mindset regarding my “to do” list had changed entirely. My BELIEF had changed. In all actuality, I was accomplishing LESS but feeling BETTER because I changed how I was thinking about everything. I had inadvertently practiced a new thought, “no matter what, it’s good enough” to the point of it becoming a new belief. And because of this new belief, I started having my own back. I stopped discounting my efforts and acknowledging my accomplishments. I focused on learning and growing instead of “doing it right.”  I reminded myself the goal is progress over perfection. It completely changed my perspective and how I felt about all of my work. It freed my brain from having to continually punish myself or worry about what I wasn’t getting done. Again, it had nothing to do with the damn planner and everything to do with my BELIEF. It was because I BELIEVED, not because I was DOING.

I could finally see clear as day why I was feeling so awful before. When I believed I wasn’t good enough, my coaching wasn’t good enough, and I wasn’t doing anything right, doing all the things just became more evidence of how much I was failing. It didn’t make me feel better. It made me feel worse. Nothing was good enough because my brain would find a way to discount it entirely. Whatever you believe, your mind will go searching for, and your brain will always prove itself to be right, always.  

So if something isn’t working, ask yourself why? Write it down. All those sentences are the thoughts in your brain, preventing you from creating the result you want. Your mental obstacles are far more significant than any physical ones. How does that saying go? “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.” Yep, that’s the truth.

I can show you exactly how to clear all those mental blocks. You ready? let’s do it.